As the Moon Rises
by Ucchan1
Summary: Zell is caught up in a grand scheme that plagues the worlds of Final Fantasy. Flung through time and space, Zell wakes up... and is MUGGED! FF Crossover fic. Focus on Zell and Yuffie. R+R Please, flames welcome. Updated 3-25!
1. Zell's Life as Usual

A/N: This fic is a crossover fic between the FFs. I've made Zell my main character because the whole fic is based vaguely off of a dream I had, and Zell just happened to be the only character I could remember seeing in the dream. The other major character in this (so far…) is Yuffie. The reason for this is that no one seems to write about Yuffie (and when they do it's not often in a positive light). The plot is serious, the characters are not, so expect this story to feel light-hearted(mostly). Zell is a little OOC because this is written in first person, so some things he says will be very 'narrator-ish,' otherwise I tried to stay true to his and Yuffie's characters. Other FF characters WILL show up in this, and though I've tried to write this story with the idea that the audience has NOT beaten/played the games, some things will be better understood if you have beaten/played the games. If you haven't, and something is totally confusing for you, go to ffcompendium.com, and you can READ the plots of every FF to fill you in. Useful, eh?

And thus we begin, "once upon a time, in Final Fantasy 8 Land…". (kidding!)

As the Moon Rises 

By Ucchan

"You JERK!" SLAP! Ow…

"Hey, it was an accident… I was confused!" I protested.

Selphie narrowed her eyes at me, "So you cast FIRAGA ON ME?!" It was true, I HAD cast the powerful fire spell on her in the last encounter we just finished… But I hadn't MEANT to…

"Well…" I began sheepishly.

Quistis, our current group leader, injected, stopping our one-sided argument, "Zell, cut it out. Selphie, leave him alone…" She sighed, "We have mission here, and this place is FAR too dangerous to be having arguments!"

Selphie let off, bowing her head embarrassedly. 

"Sorry," I apologized, "Want me to use a Cure spell on ya?"

She smiled, "No, I'm fine, thanks… Sorry for yelling at you…"

Quistis looked appeased, "That's better, now play nice…"

Quistis was always like that, she remained cool-headed, even though it seemed as if she had no end of stress… She had been like that at the orphanage as well. Now, however, we were in the middle of a time-compressed world, at the very center of danger, in the warped castle of one of the strongest sorceresses to ever exist: Ultimecia. The castle was a menagerie of different logical paradoxes: spiraling staircases that led to rooms that looked to be underground, bell towers which rang on their own, and brick walls that opened up into doors… the only thing they all had in common: dim lighting and lots of monsters… 

I sighed at the thought, and brushed off my jacket and shorts before following after Quistis, who pressed ahead in the illogical maze. We were currently separated from our other teammates, Squall, Rinoa, and Irvine, because we had to split up to explore this insane place.

Quistis stopped suddenly. Her blonde hair swaying as she turned to face us with her piercing gray-blue eyes. "We should re-junction our equipment here, there seems to be stronger monsters up ahead."

Selphie nodded, "Okay. Who's gonna keep guard?" She had pretty green eyes which sparkled when she smiled. To me, she seemed to be the only other person in our whole group who could ever be happy… But I guess situations like this are hard to see the bright side of.

I couldn't see the bright side either… but I tried not to get depressed anyway… Better to focus on anger and determination… 

"I will," Quistis said, "I don't want the two of you in charge of my life…"

"Quistis!" Selphie protested.

"Just kidding," Quistis smirked, it was forced, but I could tell she was trying not be scared, she always sort of teased us when she was uneasy… "Zell! Wake up! Are you going to adjust your junctioning or not?" She snapped me from my reverie. 

I grinned, "Oh, sorry…"

Selphie had already begun junctioning. I watched her close her eyes, then place her hands in front of her as if she was holding a ball. She took a deep breath, then suddenly her whole body pulsed white, then the white glow swirled and condensed to a point on her chest, pulled away from her body, and hovered like a ball on her palms.

I knew what she was doing, she was using her junctioning system. If I remembered correctly from my SeeD tests, junctioning was based off of Dr. Odine's research of the sorceress' powers. The doctor found that by extracting certain essences or whatever, he could produce 'artificial magic,' or para-magic, which could be used if powered by a large amount of energy. For a while, only large machines could power the para-magic spells. However, Odine discovered Guardian Forces, which were the essences of huge spirits, similar in structure to magic. When the doctor found these large power sources, it was then realized that the energies could be infused into a human brain, which gave the person access to the para-magic system because the Guardian Forces provided the high amount of power needed to use the para-magic spells. It was an 'amazing discovery' of science and magic. The Guardian Forces were self-powered and allowed a human to summon them in times of need. But with the junctioning of the Guardian Force, science found that the human brain was slightly deteriorated, and memory loss occurred when exposed to prolonged amounts of junctioning. This was the basic knowledge for any warrior to know. Every SeeD who ever existed, every soldier in any army or navy, every rebel faction, ANYONE who wanted to fight nowadays, would have try to get a GF. Many tried, not many managed to achieve this goal, GFs were truly rare – and even harder to achieve the Spirits' trust once found, often resulting in a fight or a quest. Another problem was that it took a long time to learn how to use them, and lots of concentration. That's why SeeDs had to take tests, to determine if they could effectively use the junctioning system. If you could do it well, you were a SeeD. I guess that explains why Selphie, who seems so innocent, could be a 'tough' SeeD, she was very good at using the system, and using para-magic, not to mention she had a way with Guardian Force creatures.

Ack, I've rambled on WAY too much, I've got junction or else Quistis will smack me!

I began to concentrate, it felt like it took forever, but in real time, only a 5 seconds. I focused on the familiar essences that flowed through my body, regulated by the Guardian Forces within my mind. Slowly, I felt the warmth of the glow surround me then coalesce into the ball of energy that floated in my palms.

Quistis stood guard nearby, watching as we arranged our para-magic. She was one of the most talented experts in junctioning I've ever met, and she made comments as we moved the essences about.

The energy sphere in my palms was not solid, but just a yellow glow, with many multi-colored energies that floated within it. Those colored energies were my para-magic and Guardian Forces. I gazed at my GFs, they were the largest of the essences, just packed with energy. I mentally acknowledged each of them, Ifrit, Quetzacoatl, Carbuncle, Leviathan. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have them implanted directly in my mind, I wouldn't be able to recognize the various energies, I think they feed the information directly to your thoughts. What was especially confusing were all the various spell energies that were floating around. Some kinds were easy: fire was fiery red, ice was white-blue, thunder was electric yellow. However, spells like float, shell, blind… Well, let's just say I'm glad that I don't have to remember what they all are on my own.

"You should move those blind spells to a defensive position," Quistis commented, just by watching she had noticed a mistake I made in my own junctioning. Quistis, of course, recognized each and every spell by color; she had memorized them. 

I used my free right hand to tap my stock of blind spells and traced my finger down to the bottom left of the energy sphere, where they would protect my eyes from attack. I looked over at Selphie.

"Can I have some Blizzaga spells? I'm a little short, I've only got 24 left…" I asked her.

She nodded, her light brown hair shook in the process, "Sure." She closed her eyes and I watched as her white-blue dot shrunk slightly, and then as my own grew in size.

Like I've always said, Junctioning may be complex, but it sure is useful! 

I went about the rest of my junctioning, borrowing and lending spells to Selphie as needed. I was remembering how funny it was the first time we taught Rinoa to use her junctioning system. She had never been trained to use it, since the rebels had no GFs. I'll bet you thought that Squall taught her, but no, it was mostly Quistis, Selphie, and I. The only thing Squall did was say that she probably wouldn't be able to do it right. Rinoa, however, just looked him in the face (which was amusing with the height difference) and scream an indignant "Yes I can!" at him. It took her about a week to catch on, but she did eventually. Now she's probably better at it than I am… She and Squall are officially a couple now, too, so they don't argue like that anymore… they are cute together… Which only serves to remind me that I don't have a girlfriend… 

I sighed, finishing my junctioning up, letting my body absorb the energy.

"Okay, Quistis, all ready!" Selphie beamed.

"GET DOWN!" Quistis suddenly shouted, diving to the floor.

"Wha?" I managed to sputter before Selphie tackled me to the stone floor of the warped castle room. A twin beam of energy careened overhead and incinerated a wall behind us.

"Oh how fun…" I murmured.

But before I could utter anything more, I had to roll (with a yelp of surprise) quickly aside, to avoid being squashed by a well-aimed – and rather large – paw, doing my best to drag Selphie with me.

Hastily I tried to scramble to my feet, as the thing swung it's large, wedge-shaped head towards us with a feral snarl. Selphie snapped up, a quick, indefinite motion bringing her nunchuku before her in the familiar stance of spell-casting – 

"Protect!" she cried. I almost sighed in relief as the pale glow of shield-magic spread outward before us. The creature seemed to know exactly what was going on, though – damn these smart critters – and its dual-horned face lowered almost to the ground, slitted, yellow eyes narrowing in concentration.

Gods, a spell, just what we –

"Holy!!" Rang the sharp, clear tones of Quistis' voice. I shielded my eyes with an arm as a bright, blinding white light consumed the beast, then faded – injured, but not deterred, its feline lips curled in a grimace of…satisfaction?

Crap! I darted forward, checked my stride, tensed my right arm – the good arm – pulled back, and

"Quake," A horrible, sentient purr caused me to waver, and I stared at the thing, felt the ground groan and rumble in protest beneath me. Not quick enough, I tried to resume my attack, even as it surged forward like a mountain of muscle, shoulder slamming me to the churning ground, a paw uplifted to smash me in…or through…. And that was when the ground opened up and swallowed me. God, now I know how the hot dogs feel.

A/N: No, don't leave! Keep reading, I promise it gets better! I'll give you cookies if you stay! Oh, come on! Please! Isn't ANYONE a Zell fan? 

More seriously, I hope you liked it; but it really hasn't even started yet, so at least read a bit more; the chapters are short! ^_~ 


	2. We're not in Kansas Anymore

CHAPTER TWO

"You're going to end it…"

"End what?" I asked the disembodied voice.

"You're going to stop that which causes the pain..."

I was confused. "Pain?"

"The ancient ones… they need you."

"I don't understand." I looked all around me for where the feminine voice echoed.

"You will know what to do…"

"WHERE ARE YOU!?" I cried, then froze as I felt a hot, clean blade run across my throat, and then…

"YAH!!" I shouted, waking up… I was disoriented. I looked around, my body felt sore. I remembered I had fallen. I landed in a pile of sand, with remnants of the floor/ceiling that had fallen with me. There was a dim light illuminating the small room.

And man, the room was small, very small – if it wasn't quite so dim, I felt sure I could have seen the other side just a few paces away. As it was, I could make out the old, aged stone walls on either side of me, perhaps wide enough for three people with arms outstretched. The stones, gray with indeterminable, but vast age, seemed almost ready to crumble, and yet at the same time that they could last a few more lifetimes. Pale, sickly moss clung to the mortar in between them. I scrambled off the small pile of sand only to find that the floor *was* sand. A rather disconcerting feeling considering my sneakers.

I walked a bit forward, wary, considering how I'd gotten down here in the first place, only to discover that I was walking towards the source of the scant light. I glanced ahead of me, and could suddenly make it out – as if it'd been masked from my eyes before by the simple darkness. 

The wall before had a small depression, and suddenly the stones weren't just stones anymore – old gold filigree and patterns etched the edges like some kind of ornamental frame, again only heightening the reek of….well, age. And the light had taken on a blue tint, casting weird shadows as I got closer. I was trying not to lose my cool about the ever-changing room.

And within the depression, set carefully inside the precise little frame…A stature, pretty much life-sized, carved with the intricate and artistic detail that could only be someone's life work. It was a girl, probably in late-teens. The stone…or whatever…It pulsed with the light, pulsed in some kind of rudimentary rhythm, like a..

A heartbeat. *My* heartbeat. Creepy. Very creepy. The pulsing increased as my own heartbeat did, but I continued to inch towards it, almost mesmerized. I put my hand up to the cheek of the statue. I recognized the face. It was Ellone. Ellone, the girl whose psychic power was what was maintaining this time-compressed world I existed in, who used to be Squall's 'big sister.' Why was there a statue of her here? I grinned, maybe because in this time-compressed world, someone had dedicated a statue to her in the future… I joked to myself. As I touched the statue, the pulsing stopped, and the cold stone glowed with the full intensity of the blue light.

I squinted.

"You are here…"

It was Ellone's voice, but I'm not sure how it could be.

"You have to save them… the ancients… they need you to stop the source."

I tried to reply. "The source?"

"You must go now, I will take you."

My eyes widened, "WAIT! GO? WHERE?" 

"You will not be gone long."

Why did I doubt that?

And then the blue light filled my vision, and everything was gone. I felt as if I were flying, soaring the cold night air. When I stopped, the light flashed white, then my eyes were blinded for a few seconds. I stood, yes STOOD, blinking, waiting for my vision to return, a terrifying 4 seconds, but when I could finally see, I saw I was standing… in a forest. 

A lightly sparsed wood, with sunlight pouring in through the treetops, and a little grass sprinkled over the sandy ground of packed orange earth, it was like a portrait… but it was real. At least, it seemed real. After traveling through time-compression, it was hard to determine what was real.

I checked myself, no broken bones, no missing equipment. I seemed okay. Little animals scurried around in the trees to my left, and I wondered what kind of animals they were. Were they edible? I wonder if there was a hot dog tree any where around here, I was kind of hungry.

Walking to the sounds of the scurrying animals, I had to dodge out of the way of a big animal with horns that came stampeding through the trees.

"Ah!" I called in surprise.

The beast grunted at me, and decided I was food. This made me unhappy. It stomped its foot, as if about to charge. I, however, was tired, hungry, and confused. I took a fighting stance and shouted at the wart-hog-like beast, "BRING IT!"

So he did, he charged, stabbing at me with his horns. I dodged right and proceeded to thrust my elbow down upon its head, knocking it to the ground. The grumpy beast swept its horns at my ankles, knocking me off my feet. Rolling, I avoided his second swipe, and picked myself up in one deft motion as he continued his barrage of cutting blows. I swerved around to his side, and as it gave another powerful thrust, I plowed my steel-reinforced fist into its ribs through a blessed and all-too obvious opening, cracking a few, and laying him out.

I wiped my forehead and sighed with relief. "Ha! No problem!" I said to no one.

Only, someone must've heard me. I felt my left wrist suddenly forced behind my back and twisted upward, rendering it immobile. In the same motion, my assailant brought an arm to my throat and pressed the sharp point of a small blade to my throat.

A female voice whispered dangerously in my ear, "Your materia or your life."

A/N: Oh no! Zell's gonna get mugged! What will happen NEXT?!

The story actually BEGINS next chapter… so try to read a bit more… if you don't like it after CH4, then flame me… ::sniffle sniffle::

Also, the opening of this is Zell's dream… the distinction is kinda hazy, I know, I did that on purpose to show how confused Zell was! Poor Zell-kun…


	3. Your Materia or Your Life

CHAPTER THREE

I've been a martial artist since I joined the Garden when I was about 9, and normally I would have been able to release myself from a hold such as this with just the right amount of pressure. 

Then again, it was obvious this person who held me knew about escaping holds, as she was twisting my wrist just so, keeping me from getting free. Another martial artist, maybe?

The girl restressed her statement, "I said… Your materia or your LIFE! It shouldn't be too difficult a decision!"

I'm gonna die.

"Umm… I don't have any materia… I don't even know what materia IS!" I stuttered.

My assailant removed her hold on me and pushed me down to the ground. "Feh… No one EVER has any materia around here, I'm going back to town…"

I looked at her from ground. She was young, younger than me maybe, 16 or 17… She had dark hair and eyes which shined violet in the sunlight. She wore a small green top with no sleeves and showed her midriff. She had a half-piece of armor buckled to her side and an arm guard that ran down the length from her shoulder to her arm. Her shorts were VERY short… and unbuttoned; and she wore tennis shoes. To top off her appearance, she wore a white-and-green bandanna. Yup, she's a ninja. 

"WAIT!" I called after her.

She turned and looked at me, "What do you want? You don't even have any materia."

"Where is this place? Where am I?" I asked the ninja-girl, not knowing if I would meet anyone else in this forest.

"This place? It's the forest just outside Junon…" she explained, though it didn't explain anything.

I stared at her inquiringly, "Junon?"

She peered at me and smirked, "Did you hit your head or something? Don't you know where Junon is?"

I was tempted to say 'You hit me,' but I figured it was unwise, instead I opted to say, "Umm… no, I don't think I'm from around here…"

Again, she smirked, "Then where are you from?"

"Balamb," I stated simply, "I just sort of appeared here."

The girl narrowed her purplish eyes at me, "Just appeared? Like magic? Hmm… are you sure you don't have any materia? Maybe a Teleport materia or something?" She didn't seem interested in what I had to say about anything.

I began to say "I don't think so," but was interrupted when the dark haired girl knelt down and began patting me up and down, checking my clothes for whatever this 'materia' was.

"Hey!" I protested as she got a little too close for comfort.

To which she replied by instantaneously pulling a small shuriken to my throat, "Remember who is the thief here…" the ninja stated simply, continuing her search. She found a button, a walkie-talkie, and some potions, but no materia. She huffed and sat cross-legged on the ground next to me, her arms crossed. "No, you don't have any materia… how annoying."

Pulling my jacket back on and tugging my shirt down, I glared at her, "Would you please explain to me what this 'materia' crap is?!"

"Oh, you know, Materia…" she began, muttering offhandedly, "It's the condensed form of Mako energy, it let's you use magic and stuff."

I stared at her blankly.

She sighed, asking, "Don't you know ANYTHING!?"

I shook my head, "No… But I am hungry, do you have any hot dogs?"

The dark-haired girl twisted her face in a look of confusion, "Hot dogs?" she asked.

I was awash with horror. I had been transported somewhere where hot dogs did not exist, how could someone do this to me!? I silently wept. 

"Yo! Blondie! What's a hot dog? Is it some kind of red materia!?" she shouted at me.

"Look," I shouted back, regardless of my situation, "I don't know what materia is!"

She looked frustrated, and tugged a small green marble from a slot on her arm guard, "Here," she held it before me in exasperation, "THIS is a materia."

I stared at it speculatively, thought it might be some sort of jewelry, "What is it?"

The girl looked angry now, "IT'S MATERIA!" she shouted, and with that, she shoved it back into place and I watched as it glowed and sparked, then she yelled a very ominous word, "THUNDER!"

I felt the air crackle and sparks of electricity burst into being around me and then travel through me, a white-hot feeling of searing pain following in a terribly brief moment. Then it was over. I felt worn, but not dead, and I think my hair might have been singed.

"THAT'S MATERIA!" She exclaimed triumphantly.

I coughed, "Do you have to be so graphic when you describe things…?"

She shrugged, "You'll live; I used a low-power spell."

"So…materia shocks things, then?" I asked, deducing what I'd observed.

"Casts thunder magic," she corrected, "and ice magic, and fire magic, summons creatures, and all other kinds of stuff… It's _really_ useful…"

I was shocked, "What do you mean 'magic'?" I asked, "You mean 'para-magic', right?"

The ninja stared at me as if I were crazy, "No… I mean magic. M. A. G. I. C. Magic! Haven't you ever heard of it? It's the power of the Planet, we can use it through materia – that's why it's so valuable!" She frowned, "Para-magic? What's that? Some kinda comic book? Nope, materia's the stuff… I can't believe you didn't know that!"

I couldn't believe my ears. REAL MAGIC? I had just been witness to REAL magic! Only sorceresses can use real magic, with the power to manipulate the very elements themselves! It's incredible… Does this mean that this ninja was a sorceress? Maybe a sorceress-candidate? Rinoa had been a sorceress candidate all her life, Ellone too… and they both exhibited some serious power… I began to be a bit worried at the idea that I was in the presence of a sorceress –could I handle her alone? Or would she be benevolent? I always had my Guardian Forces… but didn't she mention that this 'materia' could summon creatures…?

I peered at her, "Summons creatures?"

She gave a curt nod. "Yup! That's just about the best kind of materia, because there's so little summon-materia…but that makes it almost IMPOSSIBLE to buy…" 

I quickly pondered these words: Wait? You could BUY materia? Does that mean ANYONE could use magic here? Where WAS here?

She measured me up again with a shrewdly calculating look. "You SURE you don't have any materia…?"

Worried she would strip-search me if she could, I held up my hands and turned out my pockets, "No… none at all!" I stuttered, then added questioningly, "What's the summon-materia do, anyway? Can I see a demonstration of that?"

She smirked that now-familiar smirk of hers, "Nice try, Blondie, but I'll bet you're after my materia, aren't you?" The girl was paranoid. She stood up, "You could do better than that; I saw you taking on that monster… you're a ninja of some kind, aren't you?"

She's good, I thought, then admitted, "Yeah, I've been trained some… you have too, right?"

"That's right, I'm from Wutai, the home of the greatest ninjas ever!" She stated proudly.

"What's Wutai?" I asked.

"Oh, that's right… you don't know anything…" she said, crestfallen. 

I worked up some courage, getting up from the sandy ground, "Do you think you could help me out of here? I really don't know where to go, but I know I've got to go somewhere! I can't just sit in the forest for the rest of my life."

She rolled her eyes, thinking it over. I watched her back tensely for a few moments. "Fine. I suppose," she agreed, then, "What's your name?"

I thought for a moment about making up an alias, but decided just to tell her, "Zell Dincht. You?"

"I'm Yuffie Kisaragi, materia hunter, and as long as you're with me, I'm making all the rules, got it?" she asked, not expecting an answer.

I brushed off my shorts and moved towards where she had begun to leave before, "Okay, so where are we going, tell me about this place…?"

Yuffie sighed, "Okay… first rule: don't ask too many questions… PLEASE!"

A/N: Alright, so I finally got to write Yuffie in, whoo hoo! It's fun to write her, she's a lot more humorous than the other female characters in FF7. As to her hair and eyes, I made them a really dark violet, because I thought it was more interesting (And more Anime-like) than the hazel/brown combination she had. Another Anime-like trait I added to this fic is how quickly the characters adjust to the weird and unusual things that happen to them. Yuffie doesn't think Zell is crazy, she just sort of ignores his odd situation. And Zell, though confused, does not freak out about his situation much. Anime characters do this a lot, and I wanted this fic to have an Anime-like quality, because that's just how the FF series strikes me: very Anime-like. 

The humor is more American-oriented, but that's because I'm American, I suppose. Still, I tried to put emphasis on situational humor, like in Anime.

I hope you like it so far! Chapter four is next!


	4. I Can Summon the GODS!

CHAPTER FOUR

So we talked a bit along they way… As it turns out, Yuffie likes to chat when it's about her. I filed this away for later. A basic SeeD survival skill.

"I'm from Wutai, and I'm scouring the world for materia to help out my home," she explained.

I smiled, she didn't seem anything like the sorceresses I'd met, so I was less edgy at the thought. "What will the materia do to help your country?" I asked her.

She seemed to want to answer this question, "Well, the materia will mean that Wutai has power, and if we choose to sell it, lots of money, too… There's nothing there right now. Our country always used to think we wouldn't lose the war. Our previous wars were always victories for us; we thought we were invincible… we thought the water god would protect us…" she trailed off, sadly.

The two of us were walking until this point, the trees were sparser than they had been initially, beams of sunlight were littering the area. Yuffie had stopped, her back to me. "Yuffie?" I asked cautiously.

"STUPID IDIOT FATHER!" she screamed, "It's HIS fault!"

I tried to joke, "You don't get many people to just let it all out to, do you?"

Yuffie looked taken aback by my joke, "Well… actually, no… No one's really listened before." She seemed embarrassed.

"Well… is that the whole story?" I asked.

"No. Wutai's a tourist attraction now, our heritage is being destroyed and made mockery of; Leviathan doesn't protect us anymore…" she paused, "There's nothing left for me there, but I won't just leave it behind… It's my home, y'know?" She then stopped, as if a sudden realization had come over her, "What am I telling YOU all this for, Blondie?"

I smiled, "Leviathan… Did you say Leviathan?"

Yuffie narrowed her violet eyes at me, "That's right," she said with intense suspicion. I supposed I wasn't being too furtive with my emotions, but then, I never am…

I grinned mischievously, the wheels turning in my head… "I think I've got something you'll find interesting…"

The dark-haired ninja put her hand on her hip with a cocky stance, "Oh really? And that would be…?"

"Just watch!" I focused on the familiar blue scales of a certain GF that I hoped I could summon on whatever world this was… _Leviathan…_ 

"What are you doing?" She said, poking her nose in my face, breaking my concentration temporarily.

I was a bit taken aback, "Kyaa!"

"Well…?" 

"You have to give me a minute," I protested, focusing again on the serpentine Guardian Force. After a few agonizing seconds, I could finally let the energy pulse through me, and send the call to summon the beast. I must've looked possessed because Yuffie was inching away from me.

"Summoned creature: LEVIATHAN!" I shouted, my voice echoing with the sounds of waves.

Yuffie stood back in awe as I summoned what was, to her, a god. A portal of blue energy opened in thin air behind me, a burst of water shot forth from it, a steady stream following. With a splash, the water formed into a giant serpent, with fishlike gills and tendrils. It had blue scales and aquatic coloring, very apt for a water god like Leviathan.

It screeched its fishlike cry, and Yuffie looked as if her life would end. I should have done this in the first place.

"What… what the…?" Yuffie stuttered, "How did you…? You said you didn't have any materia! I checked you!"

I smiled smugly.

The water dragon hovered in the air, looking for its opponent. The god, seeing none, turned to me, angry that I had summoned him without cause. His body glowed, then faded out of existence.

"But.. but…" the dark-haired ninja was confounded, she peered at me, "THE WATER GOD!? HOW!??!" She was out of her shock, and pounced upon me, shuriken in hand, she grabbed my shirt collar and looked ready to kill me, though something was most certainly holding her back.

"I just summoned your god, are you sure you're ready to do that?" I challenged her.

Yuffie Kisaragi didn't like losing, but she released me, crossing her arms. "I want to know who you are, NOW!" She leaned towards me, "And DON'T leave anything out, I can tell when someone's lying."

I smiled, "I've already told you, I'm Zell Dincht, of Balamb, a SeeD from the Garden there. I've been trained to use these powers, such as summoning your 'god.' But I'm currently lost in some completely foreign place… and all I know is that Ellone wants me to stop something from happening. I have to 'save the ancient ones…' or something."

Yuffie looked suspicious, "That sure is a _short_ history…"

"I also like hot dogs," I added. I was beginning to have fun teasing her.

She grinned, brushing her hair out of her eyes, "You still haven't told me what those are…"

"Trust me, you don't wanna know… they're good, but only if you *don't* know what they are…" Subject safely averted, I thought to myself… for about three seconds.

Yuffie smirked, "But anyway, how do you summon him? This could be perfect! If we had the water god on our side, Wutai might be able to beat the Shinra! Then we won't have to be a tourist attraction! In fact, with the water god, we might even be able to grow in strength and…"

I narrowed my eyes, "Your greed is showing…"

"Quiet you, I'm fantasizing!" She snapped, joking.

I laughed out loud, forgetting my situation as being lost in some alien place alone with a girl who wanted to use me to take over the world, but in spite of it all, I laughed.

A/N: Okay, so here it is, I have them joking with each other. I thought that Zell's personality would get along well with Yuffie, both of them are energetic, humor-oriented people. To me, it seems that Zell's blunt honesty would throw Yuffie's tough-exterior off guard. She seems like she wants to be tough, but overall she's just trying to help people (her country), and she's greedy (which is funny to write about). And Zell, who's lost, has no one else to turn to, so he HAS to make friends with her (or at least allies…). I enjoy writing the scenes where they joke around. But don't worry, there is plot and action coming soon.

For those of you confused about para-magic or junctioning, sorry… I tried my hardest to explain it in chapter one, with the glowing essences, etc. In the game, they never mention how it works, they just say 'GFs and para-magic are junctioned to human brains'. That made little sense to me, but I worked with it, to make it more visual. 

To those who hate Yuffie and/or Zell: Don't read the story!


	5. The Weapon Shop Experience

CHAPTER FIVE

Whatever I had been expecting of Junon, it certainly hadn't been this. A few scatterings of low, ramshackle houses, dull and dark, almost lifeless. Completely different from the pale whirl of pastel color and relative lively bustle of Balamb. The smell of salt brine overlay the smell of industrial smog; the sea was nearby. A thin mist curled close to the ground; another sign of nearness to water. The few people that droned around talked little or not at all as they went about…whatever they were doing.

It was, to say the least, extremely disturbing. I fidgeted warily, tried to calm a downpour of questions I wanted to barrage at my 'guide'. She didn't seem to like it any more than I did – her walk had turned sharp and crisp, and she didn't spare much of a glance for anything.

"So….this….is Junon….?" I queried tentatively, hoping she'd say no.

"Yeah." Her tone was as crisp as her stride.

As we plod on, I spied at the end of the wide, cobbled lane a huge, metal-bolted door inset into a sort of cliff, painted with official-looking warnings. A small cluster of wiry blue-uniformed men lounged boredly near it, uninterested – but the menacing black rifles they sported meant business. 

"Okay… those guys don't look very friendly… Who are they?" I asked her.

Yuffie snarled, "They're Shinra."

"Shinra?" I questioned, "Those are the guys your country is at war with, right?"

"It's not really a war – they already defeated us," She paused, "But that's why I'm gonna fix this…" her voice took on a greedy tone, "with LOTS OF MATERIA!"

"I see… So, Yuffie… What is there to do in Junon?" I asked.

"Nothing." She stated plainly, "Just board the ferry…"

"Well, that's no big deal…" I stated, "How much is the trip?"

"Actually PAY?" Yuffie scoffed, "We're ninja, right? We don't PAY for anything! Besides, Shinra's made it so only the people THEY want on the ships get the passage."

I was crestfallen, "Great… So we're stuck here?"

She grinned, and gave a subtle wink. "Nope! There are ALWAYS ways… But first, we need some equipment… There's a place here – they don't have much, but they've got enough to get the job done."

I blinked, "Okay…So….where is it?"

She gestured towards one of the plain grayish buildings, "Right over here, come on."

We entered the weapon shop, which was just as dull and plain as every other building in this polluted-looking town. There was a man behind the counter who greeted us when we entered.

"Welcome, if you need anything, just tell me," he smiled.

I nodded, and noted quietly that he looked just like every other weapon smith I'd ever met. The two of us walked over to the displays of the weapons. Yuffie looked at shurikens, musing to herself. I, however, was quite surprised at the sheer variety of weapons in the store. It appeared as if they were all constructed from the same base metal: iron, but there was at least one kind of every weapon I'd ever seen, and some I hadn't.

"Hey, Yuffie, do you know anyone who kills people with Mega phones?" I asked.

Yuffie rolled her eyes, "Where I come from ANYTHING is a weapon," she held up a violin with sharpened strings as an example.

I nodded, confused but afraid she would demonstrate if I pushed further, "Got it," and began to peruse over the section which interested me – the gloves.

A slew of sizes greeted my eyes – small hands, big hands, medium hands with long fingers, some without fingers at all… Some that reached back to the elbows, others meant to barely cover the whole hand. On a whole though, none of them seemed my size – so I just surveyed the materials, wondering if I could learn something or other as to how they were put together.

Leather seemed like a big thing as a base material, but that was about all the selections had in common – shiny steel blades that arced in a deadly curve over the knuckles, slender, hair-like needles flowing like deadly sharkskin down the fingers. Plated iron welded on – obviously a big item for defense. But most of the materials and form seemed…well, rudimentary. Obviously not taking advantage of the earthy items available even in just the forest outside, much unlike the weapon shops I was familiar with. 

And when Yuffie was done ogling the shurikens, we got down to the business of haggling. We needed grappling hooks, rope, small bombs, a lock-pick kit, two bottles of acid (don't ask, I dunno), a rudimentary gas mask/oxygen tank, and three cookies. I was hungry.

Yuffie looked over at me, "Okay, you pay half."

I nodded and offered her a handful of gil.

She stared at it, "What's this?"

"It's gil," I told her.

Yuffie frowned, pulling out a wad of bills, "We only use American currency here."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Just kidding – inside joke – we use gil!" She snatched all the money I had in the world from my hand. And although there was a great deal of excess from our purchase, she didn't hand any change back.

I began to protest, but Yuffie cut me off, "Hey, just because you summon gods doesn't mean you know how to manage money – I'll hold onto it for you," she smiled sweetly, with that greedy twinkle in her purple eyes.

I threw up my hands in defeat, "There's no arguing with you, is there? Nothing I say or do will get me my money back, will it?"

"Nope."

"Thought so."

Yuffie grinned, "Okay, now that we have our equipment, let's go! We've got a boat to catch, I'll tell you all about my dastardly plan on the way!"

"Wha? But Yuffie! You haven't even told me why we're going on the boat!" I called helplessly as she dragged me out of the weapon shop.

"Well, what better place to bring my friend who can summon the 'water god of Wutai' than Wutai? Oh come on, it'll be fun! I've got this GREAT IDEA!" She smirked.

I'm gonna die.

A/N: Ack! NO! NOT AN IDEA! So the hyper ones will execute their plan next chapter, enjoy!

So this is the chapter where I discussed the 'weapon shop experience.' In RPGs, weapons of every type are ALWAYS carried at EVERY weapon shop. So, I decided to satirize it. This whole fic satirizes RPGs, FF in general. Not that I don't like FF, but it's so amusing to poke fun at it. Don't worry, my satire won't get in the way of the story or anything. And eventually I'll explain the materia system I suppose…

I hope you like how I'm portraying the characters, I wanted them to be both funny and reasonable, and this is what I got. Tell me what you think. R+R plz! (That phrase is SO reminiscent of newbie speech, it scares me…)


	6. I Want My Mommy!

CHAPTER SIX

I didn't mention my intense acrophobia (or fear of heights) to Yuffie until I was stranded halfway up the rope attached to the grapping hook. I can't really say I presented a heroic figure, dangling limply beneath all kinds of poles and beams in various rusted states, suspended over a small stretch of shallow water. Screaming my head off.

"I want my mommy!!" I wailed. Gods, how pitiful. I clutched the rope tightly, as I would have my biggest stuffed animal.

"Come on ya big baby! Just a little bit further and we'll be on the base!"

She had been talking about her brilliant plan to get us onto the base and via that, the ship that would ferry us across the ocean. To another continent, where we needed to catch another ride to the island nation of Wutai. All this was brilliant. Except…

"I weally, weally want my mommy!!!!!!" I whimpered, sniffling.

"I'll LEAVE you there if you don't hurry up!" She called from the top, exasperated. "What kinda ninja are you?!" Yuffie added.

"A scared one! With acrophobia!" I retorted hastily. But the threat was more frightening than the situation – being hung out with nothing but this little thread of a rope between me and..well…oblivion…for just a little bit wasn't nearly as scary as being out there for hours…days…weeks….forever!

Yuffie rolled her eyes audibly, her exasperation permeated the air, "Oh brother…" she muttered, then called, "Alright, I'll pull you up, but you OWE ME!"

I shivered, "Higher?"

She snarled, placing her hands on the rope and starting to tug and pull me up slowly, "Yes, higher, where else are we gonna go?" she grunted, "You need to lose some weight!"

"Without any hot dogs in this place, I think that's a given!" I yelped back, trying not to lose my sense of humor. 

The dark-haired ninja tugged one last time, pulling my stiff body onto the rafters, "Less jokes, more action, we're *SOOO* behind schedule! The parade's gonna start before we can sneak in! Do you know how hard it will be to slip unnoticed onto the ship with that many people around!?"

I shuddered, then shook off the remnants of my overpowering fear. "We'll improvise…!" 

"Oh yes," she wailed sarcastically, "Because it worked SO WELL this time, right?" referring to my acrophobic episode.

I grinned weakly, "Well…"

She huffed, "Let's go, god-summoner…"

She pulled me through a few alleyways until we heard the loud caterwauling that came from a main street I could just make out from behind a dumpster.

"The parade's about to start…" She mused gloomily, thinking aloud. "There's NO way we'll make it to the ship before it starts… So we'll need a disguise!" She said with an air of brilliance. 

"Disguise?" I deadpanned, skeptical.

"Well, why not?" she said, "We just need to decide who to be!"

"IS the camera ready?" A distinctly annoyed feminine voice called from behind us. We whirled around to notice an anchorwoman and her cameraman, both mulling over the settings of their hand-held camera.

I smiled. "Isn't it nice how fate just KNOWS what to give us?"

Yuffie grinned in response, "I don't believe in fate. But it sounds like a good idea. I think we've just figured out who we're going to be."

A/N: The reporter scene with Yuffie inspired me, what can I say? Also, I gave Zell acrophobia: makes him more interesting. 

Chapters 6-8 I wrote all in one sitting, so they are all short and sequential. I would have made them ONE chapter, but the chapter breaks were important for effect. Ucchan, over and out!


	7. Yuffie's True Calling

CHAPTER SEVEN

"HI! I'm Yuffi- err, I'm Jane Doe, here to bring exclusive coverage of the parade here at the port town of Junon in honor of Shinra Corps' new president Rufus! The soldiers have been practicing all day for this moment, and here they come now!" Yuffie said, dressed impeccably in her news-reporter business suit.

I turned the camera to the lines of soldiers marching out of their positions as the festive music began. Yuffie whispered to me, "How'd I do?"

I whispered back, "Just fine! But don't forget you still need to report on the parade as I'm taping it!"

She nodded, and again assumed the overly-cheerful voice of a reporter. "Look at that, folks! They're aligned according to regiment, and have mastered their new form! Supposedly we'll even get to see a few from SOLDIER in their formal attire!" She paused, turning to me.

I eyed her, mouthing 'keep going.'

She took a breath, "And what's more, this'll be an excellent chance for you viewers at home to see a close up of the new president himself – the 'handsome and debonair' Rufus Shinra!"

I rolled my eyes, and muttered, "You're laying it on a bit thick."

She stuck her tongue out at me, "Quiet you, I think I've found my true calling!"

I shook my head as she continued, "Isn't this wonderful folks… oh wait… What's that soldier DOING!?"

I carefully played the camera on the obviously deranged figure, who staggered drunkenly through the ranks. I muttered, even though the camera probably picked it up, "What a doink…"

Yuffie continued reporting, "Someone send that soldier a bomb!"

We continued to follow the head of the parade, reporting and adjusting the camera to look as if we knew what we were doing, and eventually, as the parade began to come to its end, Yuffie 'signed off,' and we snuck towards the ship.

The docks crawled with official-looking people, most of them discussing in drawling tones the parade. I fidgeted almost nervously, sliding the eyepiece over the camera's lens. "That's a wrap…"

I tried not to stare at the huge iron monsters that sidled up to each dock, as Yuffie signaled me over towards one of the largest. How these metal things even floated, I have no idea…

We snuck over and took some cover behind some crates of cargo and I watched as Yuffie began to dole out a length of rope. I gave her a cockeyed glance, "What? Are we going to tight-rope across from here to the ship?"

Yuffie grinned, "Exactly!"

I stared over the edge of the dock that overlooked a vast drop to nothing but deep, menacing ocean. I gulped.

"You'd better not wimp out on me this time!" She threatened.

I whimpered, but that didn't seem to deter her. Another grappling hook was expertly tossed to cling rigidly to the railing of the ship – nobody but us seemed to notice.

She looped the other end of the rope about a well-placed post, and grabbed a hold, swinging herself with the easy air of someone with much practice, into the yawning void. Suspended only by her hands, she began to inch along the rope, placing one hand before the other and swinging herself forward. She stopped when she got far enough out to give me room, and called back, "You coming?"

"No…!" I said as I grabbed hold of the rope and swung myself into certain death, hoping I wouldn't die just then.

"Hurry up," she called, "Just don't look down, and keep going forward, and you'll be okay. Remember, the faster you move, the sooner it'll be over!"

I took a deep breath, shut my eyes and threw one hand out and grasped the rope, swinging with all my might and throwing out the other hand. I was determined to finish as soon as possible. I raced down the length of line and nearly slipped twice. Scared to death, though, I kept on.

"Hey, WATCH IT!" Yuffie called suddenly as I felt myself bump into her lithe figure and lose my grip entirely.

"KYAA!!!" I cried, grasping, and catching the closest thing I could reach: Yuffie.

"YOU PERVERT!" She kicked reflexively, knocking our equipment, herself, and ME all plummeting to the dark water below with a giant SPLASH!

A/N: I had too much fun with this chapter! Yes, this part DOES take place simultaneously to when Cloud and the others are sneaking onto the ship with their sailor/soldier disguises. The next part is already up, if you've gotten this far, you might as well read it! More watery hi-jinks ensue!


	8. The Wet Chapter

CHAPTER EIGHT

I think I'd swallowed a few gallons of brine before I spluttered to the surface, shivering with the intense COLD of the water. I was greeted to the sight of Yuffie, in much the same condition.

She glared at me, "This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" she yelled, her voice quivering with the chilled water. She swam over to me and grumbled a "Come on, let's hurry before we catch hypothermia," before swimming towards the ship.

I began to swim, trying to keep afloat with all the equipment I had saved from the fall, and wondered how we were going to get onto the ship now… As we approached, Yuffie pulled out a small object and began to tread water near the ship's base.

When I reached her, I saw that it was, in fact, a bomb. "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT!?!?" I asked, panicked, sputtering in the water. I caught myself and began to tread water.

Yuffie sighed, shivering still, "We have to get on SOMEHOW, don't we?"

"We're doomed… This is gonna sink the ship!" I reasoned.

"No, no, it's a small bomb, it should blow a hole just big enough for a dolphin to get in, plenty of room for us, ne?" She explained.

I was skeptical, "It 'should'?"

She looked defeated, "Well I've never used one on the hull of a ship before!"

We're gonna die.

She slapped some mortar on the bomb, fixing just above the water's surface so that the hole wouldn't fill with water when it opened, "Now I just need to light it! Got any dry matches?"

I rolled my eyes, "Sure… they're back in Balamb!" I splashed some water on her.

She splashed back, "It was worth asking!"

I handed the bundle of equipment to her and swam over to the bomb, "Here, check this!" I concentrated on my stash of fire spells, I just needed a small one, no need for Firaga! I focused on the fuse that dangled near me and called, "FIRE!" and a small stream of smoke heralded my success. "YES! I lit it!"

"Then get away from it, blondie!" Yuffie shouted at me.

I pushed off the side of the boat and rode the momentum back to where Yuffie hoped the explosion wouldn't reach. After about three seconds, "BOOM!" the explosion occurred, sending a small shockwave through the water, though not making as much noise as I thought it would. The water must've dampened it. 

The hole just barely reached below the surface of the water, but still the brine poured into the hull, "We need to hurry and stop that, or the sailors will know something's up," Yuffie acknowledged.

The hole was a bit bigger that Yuffie made it seem, sure a dolphin would fit through it; so would a medium-sized oak tree. 

Yuffie tossed our equipment into the empty hold, and caught onto the edge of the hole, flipping up out of the water and landing on her feet inside the ship. I wasn't as graceful as I clambered in after her. Looking around, I saw it was just a plain hold, empty except for the cargo, I tapped Yuffie on the shoulder, "I think the sailors are going to notice," I told her as I gestured to the water pouring in ever-more-rapidly through the shell-shocked hold.

She nodded, "Well, that's what I brought the plaster for!"

I withered, "But it's such a big hole!"

"Then you'd better work quickly," she smirked, tossing me the plastering tools.

"WHAT!? I'm not doing this by myself!" I protested.

She snarled, "You owe me."

With a grunt I began to plaster.

A/N: Yes, Yuffie ALWAYS carries around a magical set of plaster and plastering tools! I added this in as part of my satire. I noticed how video game characters always seem to use the most inane objects to just about anything. And if the character needs it, then by gosh, they've got it on them SOMEWHERE! In Lunar 2, a character named Jean (who wears almost no clothes), begs your party for help in saving her village from a monster deep inside a hole in the earth. And so she just hands them a rope ladder that she just HAPPENED TO HAVE! My question is: Where did she keep it? At least in my story, they were carrying their supplies (which they bought from a store) with them. Still, I like the idea of plaster being able to fix the hull of a ship… ::laughs::

And again, I used Zell's newly-discovered acrophobia. Part nine is up, read it please!


	9. And Then We Got Naked

CHAPTER NINE

After I finished, I took a small step back and admired my handicraft. "Not so shabby, eh?" Of course, It was kinda too thick at the bottom, and a little too thin at the top, and I couldn't stop it from dripping, and I sorta liked drawing in it when I got started, so there were lots of little stick-figures waging war with each other….But never mind that!

"You suck, I should've done it after all…" She eyed it again, "Nah, it'll hold until at least WE get off of it, let the sailors deal with it," she said with the carefree tone of a TRUE lazy person.

I nodded, not really caring, I was wet and dripping in my clothes, now finally able to breathe from the effort it took to get onto this stupid ship. I peeled off my jacket and wrung it out, a large splattering sound as the dripping water echoed in the room. 

Yuffie had already removed her arm guard and various other pieces of armor, left only in her green stretch-top and khaki shorts. Her socks and tennis shoes laid on top of the pile. I hadn't really noticed before how thrifty her outfit really was, but Yuffie really didn't wear much clothing at all, just armor. I suppose that's how a ninja actually lives, not worrying about clothing. I thought about how I'm not really a ninja, just trained in the martial arts. It separated Yuffie's skills from mine: I used my talent for my work; Yuffie LIVED by her skills at the martial arts.

I tried to find a towel to dry off with, but to no avail, everything was packed inside the crates. Not wanting to catch pneumonia, I wandered away from Yuffie and stood behind the crates, stripping off the wet clothes and wringing them as dry as I could. I was still cold, but not as much without the water clinging to me. I tried to wring out my hair as well, but with less success. Instead, I opted to reshape it back to its natural spikey hairstyle. I pulled on my not-as-soaked shirt again, and reached down to pull on my pants, only to find they were missing. 

It didn't take much to figure out what had happened to them. "YUFFIE!!!!!!" I shouted in agitation, dashing out to find where she had taken my pants. I found her back where she was before, rummaging through my pockets and beltloops.

"WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE MATERIA?!?!" she asked, not looking up, knowing she was caught, "I saw you use that fire spell! You MUST have materia!"

I grimaced, "I TOLD YOU! I don't need materia to use fire spells! It's not real magic, it's para-magic, anyone with a brain can use it!"

She seemed confused, but looked up as she finished her search, blushing, "Ummm… do you mind…?"

I had forgotten myself, standing there in only my boxers, and grabbed the shorts and dashed back to my hiding place and pulled them on, blushing up to my ears.

I cleared my throat as I stepped back out – still blushing – and mumbled a hasty "Um…sorry…"

She gave her head a sharp shake, and we rid ourselves of the shared embarrassment. "Anyway," she started, fixing me with a hard stare, "what was that you were talking about…y'know, 'para-magic'…? You mentioned it before, too…" A slim dark brow rose expectantly.

I blinked, and nodded. "Yeah…It's an invention – not real magic – that's inserted into your mind… The stuff's powered by certain energies, even gives you control over them, but only to a limited extent. And the summons…well, they're just like the energies given a more intricately physical form than, say, just water, or fire…" I looked back to her, wanting to make sure she understood the concept of 'no materia'.

"So what you're saying is that you can summon the gods because of this 'para-magic energy'…?" Her tone was skeptical. 

I nodded, "Yeah!" Hopefully this would deter her from any more 'materia searches', even though it wasn't really true… para-magic was powered by GFs that were infused into your mind.

She stood up and walked over to me, "Gimme!!!" she threatened, holding her shuriken dangerously close to my throat – again. 

I gulped cautiously, "It's not something I can just 'give' you….It's part of me."

She frowned, "Well I want to summon the gods, too!" And sat back down in a huff.

I heard some noise from up above. "Oh $%^^&!! The sailors! They've probably come back down to check on the cargo!" But, thankfully, I'd barely had enough time to finish the thought before Yuffie reached over and – somehow – slung me into a well-placed extra lifeboat, tossing herself in after me.

"The equipment…!" I forced quietly through my clenched teeth.

She didn't reply – just winked, holding up the astonishingly small bag for my viewing pleasure.

We waited there for a while, waiting for the check to get over with, the silence heavy. Finally the shout of "It's all ready and secure!" in a thick, fading shout gave us both leave to breathe freely. I chuckled with relief.

"Now what?" I asked. The ship gave a startling lurch – we were casting off, or shoving off, or whatever sailor people said for 'leaving'.

Yuffie turned a pale green shade. "I'm gonna be sick…"

"Oh no, don't tell me…" I moaned. "You get seasick?"

Yuffie emptied the contents of the bag into the lifeboat and proceeded to lean over and 'refill it'.

A/N: Well, so Yuffie gets to deal with seasickness, but that was in the game, so it shouldn't be so much of a surprise. For those of you looking for plot, I promise it will pick up again soon, I'm busy focusing on character development/interaction right now!

I re-explained junctioning/para-magic for anyone who was confused, it's a lot more simplified than my last explanation. And the materia explanation will show up when I find a reason for it, complete with more satire!

Hope you like what you've seen!


	10. In the Corner of Zell's Dream

CHAPTER TEN

After things calmed down, like Yuffie's stomach, she finally agreed that I would keep watch during the trip, and she would sleep. We were still hunkered down in the ship's lifeboat lest the sailors came back down suddenly, so there wasn't much room for us to move. Yuffie was laying down next to me on the side closest to the ship's wall, glaring at me harshly and threateningly, though she looked like she would just pass out right there, making her threats less potent. The agreement was: If I touch ANYTHING of hers – especially her materia – she kills me when she finds out. After agreeing to these terms, she thankfully fell asleep, where her dreams kept her stomach's problems mostly at rest. At first, she tightly clutched the bag in her hand, but as sleep overtook her, she loosened her grip, and I set the bag out of the way, but at arm's reach, in case she needed to use it suddenly.

The lifeboat was not comfortable by any standards, we had rolled up our disguises and used the clothing as pillows, but that was the best we had for the hard wood 'bed' that was the lifeboat. Yuffie lay sleeping anyway, she must've felt *really* horrible, I can't imagine her trusting me with her materia otherwise – not that I had any intention or motivation to steal her materia, but Yuffie didn't seem like a person who let rational thought get in the way of her paranoia.

For a while, I just sort of laid there, trying to get comfortable, I watched Yuffie as she slept and realized I probably wouldn't see her sleep very often. I had only known Yuffie for a few hours really – though it felt like longer. I had a lot I had to get used to in this strange new place – strangest of all Yuffie – but she had been with me for nearly every step of the way… it was almost like she was my friend, even though I knew that neither of us truly trusted the other. Not yet anyway.

She was breathing slowly, her chest rising and falling as she turned onto her side and was facing me directly. The close proximity of the lifeboat made it so this movement had placed her arm squarely on my chest, and Yuffie grasped onto me suddenly and laid her head on my shoulder. Oh god… She had snuggled UP TO ME! I thought with a mixture of rage, confusion, and suspicion. I was about to protest, but I saw that she was still sleeping; her breathing hadn't changed in the slightest. 

I tried to ignore her, to just let her sleep – I mean, at least this time she wasn't strip-searching me for materia. But try as I might, my heart rate wouldn't go down. I mean… if she woke up… what would she do? This thought frightened me… but even more frightening was the idea of me waking /her/ up.

And so I laid there in anxiety, mulling over what to do for most of the trip. I'm not sure for how long before I finally fell asleep as well.

It was dark when I found myself hovering on a vast plane of nothingness. I whirled around, still more nothing. But now, Ellone's disembodied voice had returned. I was dreaming… again.

"You must save the ancient ones." Ellone's voice echoed.

"Why?" I asked her, "Why me?"

She ignored my question, "To save them, I have taken you back to the crucial moment."

"Moment? You mean I'm in the past? How far?" I cried, panicked.

"Eons passed," She answered cryptically. I felt a tug, and turned around to see Yuffie standing there, she opened her mouth to speak, but Ellone's voice came out, "I have seen your companion, make sure she does not deter you from your path."

"My path?" I repeated.

"To save them, to save us, to save us /all/…" Ellone said through her Yuffie-image.

That's when I awoke to the sound of an alarm, "Just five more minutes, mom…" I muttered.

"Get up, you idiot!" Yuffie shouted and smacked me in the back of my head.

"Ouch," I complained, sitting up slightly, rubbing my head. The sheet we had thrown over the lifeboat was still there, and restricting my movement, "What happened? What's going on?" I asked her groggily.

"I don't know," she hissed. Yuffie looked a bit worse for wear, but at least she wasn't throwing up anymore. "Maybe they know we're here?"

"Should we go and find out?" I asked, "Or would it be safer to just hide here?"

Yuffie laughed, "'Safer'? Is that what you're worried about?" she asked, "We're ninja, we don't need to worry about whether it's 'safe' or not, eh? We can take 'em out!" she boasted. I wasn't sure whether she was trying to boost MY confidence or HERS…

"Still…" I said, "If they're NOT looking for us, then wouldn't it be better to have stayed hidden?"

Yuffie crossed her arms, her attitude changed, "Well, fine then," she muttered sarcastically, "Just take the fun out of it with your silly 'logic', Zell!" she said, conceding.

I sighed with relief, "Then the alarm?"

Yuffie smirked, "As long as the ship's not sinking, we'll be fine… and if it is, where better to be than a lifeboat?"

And with that, we settled on staying hidden within our current place. I kept watch to see if anyone was coming, and we slowly rode out the remainder of the trip.

A/N: Yup, that's the part where Sephiroth attacks the ship, etc. But even though we haven't run into any of the others yet, don't fret, they will be in this. As well as some others besides them. The main focus will continue to be Zell, Yuffie, and the plot I've devised (once it starts).

Also, here is a little tidbit of plot: Ellone finally reveals to Zell that A) she can talk to him through his sleep. And B) He's been flung into the past for a reason. He'll figure it all out eventually. But that's not important right now.


	11. Out of the Box!

CHAPTER ELEVEN

When we FINALLY arrived at the stop, the two of us waited until the bulk of the cargo had been unloaded before we crawled from our hiding place. I stretched a bit to get the knots from my muscles. We had been crammed into the lifeboat for some time. Yuffie shook her head.

"What?" I asked her, wondering at her silent musings.

She smirked that smirk of hers, "There's no way around it… we gotta go in."

"Go in where?" I asked, completely lost as the ninja-girl began to unhinge the side of an empty cargo crate.

Yuffie popped it open, and gestured to the tiny opening as a butler would a door, "After you," She announced, "This is the only way to get from the cargo hold to the dock without being seen…" she glared at me, adding, "Especially since they are going to find your plaster masterpiece any minute now… let's hurry it up, shall we?"

I sighed, preparing for another ride in a tiny space. I crawled in, and curled up into a ball, frowning and making faces at Yuffie.

"Now, now children," she announced like an instructor, "didn't your mothers ever tell you not to stick out your tongue?" she asked in a mocking tone as she followed me into the box.

"Well, not unless I intended to use it…" I answered with a smirk of my own.

Yuffie gave me a side-long glance, but dropped the conversation as she pull the crate shut, covering us with darkness. It was a short wait, but the sailor eventually reached the cargo hold and decided to shuttle our particular crate out onto the docks.

The ride was… rough, to say the least. Now I know WHY I am not disguised as luggage often… NO ONE handles it correctly…

What felt like a few days later (to my stomach), after the droning noises died down, Yuffie caught my attention with a sharp poke to my ribs. "Ow!" I yelped. What was THAT for!?"

She rolled her dark eyes to look beseechingly to the top of our crate. "Don't scream, you idiot! And it's time to get out of this cave." She tilted her head meaningfully towards the side at my end.

I grimaced, and gave a curt nod. Bracing myself, I shoved my weight against the side we'd used as an entryway – The small 'door' slammed back, but never hit the ground, suspended by a small length of string Yuffie had thoughtfully attatched from it to the roof of our crate –precisely to prevent such a loud noise as that would make. I thanked her foresight wordlessly, and detached the trim wire, scrambling out in a rush.  

I hurt in more places than I knew I had, I'll tell ya that much. My stomach hurt by far the most. As Yuffie scampered out with an anxious look to our surroundings, I made a pitiful face to her. "Can we get some food now…?"

A/N: Yes, I know this one is short, it's just cause I wrote a whole bunch at once, but I needed the division between chapters for effect, okay? Just hurry on to the next chapter, ne?


	12. Dinner and a Bunny part one!

CHAPTER TWELVE

I stared flatly at Yuffie. "A bar?" She flashed a too-quick grin.

"Yup! Only place they've got besides the inn!" Yuffie replied cheerfully.

My stomach lurched. Not INN food…The stereotyped too-healthy meal of bread crusts and water. I swear, we got fed more in prison… My mood improved at the thought that this was NOT an inn. "Great!" I enthused.

Yuffie had informed me on our way here that this was Costa del Sol, a sort of beachy resort place. I had found that out firsthand before she mentioned that, though. WAY too many bikinis to be anything else. The slowly fading sun was still warm enough to make me want to jump into the sea I knew had to be nearby. But the promise of food, of course, had kept my feet moving towards the center of town.

It was a pretty picturesque place, I guess. The houses and cobbled lane made of the same pale, sun-dried brick. Some kids kicked a ball around to the right of us, some old men sitting behind portable market stalls beyond them. Before us was a row of buildings, little townhouses. One of which housed the bar. 

And the bar was looking really good. So was that cute babe! I think I leered subconsciously because Yuffie rolled her eyes, "Get your mind out of the gutter," she intoned, "I thought you were hungry…?" she questioned.

I blushed, "Well… umm…"

She laughed at my confusion, "We could always check out the beach instead of eating…!" The ninja-girl offered teasingly.

I blinked… The beach sounded fun… I liked fun… "But we don't have any swim suits…" I protested.

Yuffie laughed loudly, drawing attention to herself as we were in the middle of the small town, a few people glanced at her before turning back to their business. I thought that the cute babe in the red bikini winked at me, too. Yuffie interrupted my nice thought though, "Hey! We're ninja – what we don't have, we steal!"

I blushed, a thought crossing my mind, "W-what!? You mean off of someone?"

Yuffie smacked me, "What did I say about getting your mind out of the gutter!?"

I sighed, "I miss hot dogs…"

Yuffie ignored me, "Come on, over here, if you want swimsuits, where better to steal them than the local swimsuit store?"

How convenient… I thought.

"So…" I began, "Are we going to waltz in, try on some swimsuits, then walk out with them on under our clothes… like normal teenagers?"

Yuffie frowned, "How unimaginative you are, you're such a boring ninja…" she sighed, "Nope, we're gonna be more creative! Less chance of being caught if no one's tried it before, right?"

I gave her a sidelong glance, "Right…." I agreed, fearful.

About ten minutes later… everything was prepared… I'm gonna die. Well, maybe not, the only thing that would kill me this time would be heat stroke… and my loss of pride… I mean, how would YOU feel if, in the temperate climate of the appropriately named Costa del Sol, YOU were in a large, stuffy, fuzzy pink bunny suit! Yeah, that's right, I lost the coin toss… though something tells me I didn't have a chance from the beginning (Yuffie was flipping the coin…).

So there I was, walking 'happily' down the center of the coast town… in my fuzzy pink bunny suit, Yuffie walked a few paces behind me, leading my fuzzy pink self to the swimsuit store, "How come *I* have to be the bunny…?" I asked again for my own peace of mind.

Yuffie smirked, "'cause I have to be the manager, DUH!"

I rolled my eyes under the big plastic head, "Oh… of course…"

She shoved me through the door of the shop, then entered behind me. My fuzzy pink bunny suit drawing the attention of everyone in the store, "Umm…" I began.

The clerk behind the counter immediately walked over to us, "Excuse me… may I help you…?" he asked, confused.

I nodded my fuzzy pink plastic head, my bunny ears waving to and fro with the motion, almost throwing me off-balance, "Yeah, we're here for the birthday party!" I announced proudly.

The clerk, taken aback, stared in wide-eyed confusion at the two of us, "What...? Birthday party…?"

Yuffie took center stage, "That's RIGHT!" she began, "My client here was scheduled to perform for the birthday kid – specifically at THIS address!" She pulled out an official-looking piece of paper, "It's all right here under contract, so if you'll all please leave, now!" 

I watched at Yuffie rushed about the small store, pushing the other customers around, who were too confused to really protest much. She led several out the door, and kicked them out on their rears, "Come on now," she would say with all her legal-sounding conviction, "the party will start any minute now!"

The clerk began to regain his wits, "Hey, wait! This store doesn't host birthday parties!"

Yuffie ran over to him and flashed the document in his face, "Then why does my contract say OTHERWISE, hmmm?" she asked, rambling in legal-ese, "The party of the first party is to take place at said time in the edifice of the second party as stated and agreed upon on said date, as recorded by…" she continued to ramble.

I intoned to the clerk, "She'll go on forever until you give up, just get out while you can…" 

The clerk, confused, just nodded, the legal-ese still fresh and convoluted in his mind, and walked out the door and sat down on the front cement steps, his confusion rested on an elbow, as he puzzled out where he went wrong. Poor guy, I thought.

Yuffie, thoroughly satisfied with herself, locked the door behind him, and began to scour the store for, "The PERFECT SWIM SUIT!" she shouted greedily.

I rolled my eyes and removed my fuzzy pink plastic bunny-head, "I didn't think you cared what you wore…" I stated offhandedly.

She smirked, "OH come on!" the dark-haired girl pleaded, "this is a SWIM SUIT! It's TOTALLY important! And completely different than my work-gear!" she stated as if it was the simplest fact in the world.

I smiled, and peeled off the stuffy bunny suit, happy to be able to breathe again, I snagged a pair of swim trunks from the nearest rack, "How about these?" I asked.

Yuffie gagged at the plaid yellow-on-fuchsia polka-dotted pair of swim trunks I grabbed, "Are you *BLIND*?" she asked me, dead solemnity in her voice.

I shrugged, "I suppose…" and replaced the swim trunks. "So what'll I get?" I asked, eying the other choices without really acknowledging them.

Yuffie sighed, "You're hopeless… you can summon the gods and use 'para-magic', but you can't choose your own swimsuit?" she peered at me for a moment, considering, "Fine," she conceded, "_I'll_ pick out your swim suit…"

I smiled and sat down, resting a bit as Yuffie plowed through the female bathing suit section. She didn't bother presenting me her choice – probably with the realization of my bad taste – and after pillaging the male racks, finally tossed my way a pair with mostly black and some red designs printed at the bottom of the legs. Not really paying attention, I called a quick "Thanks!" to her as she strode with no small pride to the women's dressing rooms, and I hurried off to their male counterpart. 

When we both emerged, I lifted a brow to her and gave an appraising, wordless nod – or rather words didn't really come to mind at the moment, but, oh well.

"So…how're we going to get out…?" I queried, half afraid of the answer. Again. 

She frowned and crossed her arms. "Well….I hadn't really thought about that…"

My chance to suggest something sane! "Let's just walk out!" 

The ninja girl raised a brow, and peered out the window to see the clerk still sitting on the cement steps in the front of the building, "But he'll notice us…"

I shook my head, "Nah… come on, it'll be 'ninja-like'…"

She peered at me, "How do ya figure that?"

"We're in disguise!" I stated, hoping she'd go for it.

Yuffie looked down at her attire, and resigned, "Fine…"

"YES!!!" I thought aloud, happy to be doing something sane for once that didn't involve me climbing up to high places, stripping naked, or going without hot dogs… not that there were hot dogs in this god-forsaken time period…

And so we walked out, deciding after little debating to leave the bunny-suit as a small monument of our triumph. We strode confidently – sort of – down the steps, the poor clerk lost in his murmurings about 'legal-ese', and not even noticing us. Thank the gods. 

After we were out of sight, Yuffie pointed me in the direction of the steps that led down to the beach; I gratefully took them two at a time, to be greeted to one of the prettiest sights I've seen in a while.

The near-setting sun bled crimson fire along the stretched line of the horizon, it's circular golden glory tinting the edges of the scant, lazy, cotton ball clouds in like autumnal hues. Behind us, the red deepened, darkened into murkier shades that only barely hinted at the drawing night. All this was reflected in the wide, rippling surface of the ocean, which lapped hungrily, quietly at the slowly sloping beach. My steps jerked to a grinding halt as my feet touched that pale sand, drinking in the serene peace the place presented.

Then, of course, I noticed all the divinely curvaceous girls adding their own particular grace to the scene. My face split into a wide grin.

"Get that stupid look off of your face, I don't want to be seen with an idiot…" Yuffie began, but was suddenly cut off.

"Excuse me," came a sultry voice from behind me, I turned to see what was possibly the most curvaceous babe of them all, about 24, with flowing red hair, and tight-fitting two-piece bathing suit that showed off all there was to see. What I most liked about the whole moment was that she was, in fact, addressing me, "Excuse me, but I need some help. Would you be a dear and put some oil on my back for me…?" she smiled with her perfectly straight, white anime-babe teeth glittering in the dusk.

All I could think was 'Hee hee…' and gleefully nodded my head and began to follow her to where she had placed out a beach towel in the sand.

The woman squealed a cutesy, "Oh, thank you, you're so sweet," as we began to walk.

"Hey, wait!" I heard Yuffie protest suddenly.

The woman turned back to her, "Oh, yes? I'm sorry…" she addressed me, "I didn't realize you had a girl friend…"

Yuffie crossed her arms, "I am NOT his girl friend…"

I nodded fervently, "Nope, she's not… about that oil…"

The nice woman smiled, "Oh, you're so cute…" she said as she ruffled my hair.

All I could think was "Hee hee…"

Yuffie called after me, "Just don't forget who's paying for your room and board!" And with that she walked off to where the ocean waves were crashing upon the beach.

The nice woman looked at me again, "Is she your little sister or something?" she asked as she laid face down on her beach towel.

I took the bottle of oil in my had, "Nah… just my partner-in-crime…" I answered truthfully, though I hoped she would take this as sarcasm.

She undid her bikini top, and laid the straps to the side of her, though the front still covered her as she was lying face down. This exposed her already-tanned back.

All I could think was 'Hee hee…'

And that's when it happened.

Behind me I heard the rapidly escalating chant of "Jerry! Jerry!". Oh, God, I thought. Please, don't let it be… But it was. It was.

That's when the explosions started. The familiar hiss of fire roared at my back, sending an almost pleasant thrill of momentary warmth through me. Except for the fact that my blood had turned cold. Immediately following was the sound almost of some dragon's death-cry, as the earth was rent. I didn't need to turn around (though I did anyway) to know it had been an explosion. It was, as I knew it would be, Yuffie.

"You &$^#%@%%!!" I heard the particular sound of a slap.

"*^&%$&#!!!" Retorted an unknown voice. And another slap.

Resolutely, I darted over, dodging the fleeing crowd, to where the bitch fight was in heated progress.

"&*^%$#!!! Your &%#&$%$&!!" Wow. That had been colorful. Apparently, Yuffie and some babe-alicious girl were having a 'disagreement'.

And as usual, when it came to Yuffie…It escalated to explosions. Wait a minute, where was she keeping her materia..!? I peered over her speculatively. Then I found it. APPARENTLY the 'perfect swimsuit' had MATERIA slots in it! I sweatdropped.

"^#@^*%$!!" Yuffie screeched.

"You &%$#&!!!!!!!" The other girl retorted, sneering.

"Don't MAKE me *%$&%$, you @&#%#@&# !!!" 

Again, I sweatdropped.

And that's when the giant sea-dragon reared its serpentine head out of the water, taking an obviously threatening pose. I could only assume that we had disturbed it's age-old sleep beneath the bottomless sea.

I sighed. The dragon attacked, lunging forward to bring most of it's heavily-scaled self from the shallow water, its lashing tail settling heavily between us and the remnants of the crowd. 

The girl looked terribly frightened, breaking off in mid-curse to stare. Yuffie, however, slapped her again.

"Pay ATTENTION to me when I'm talking to you, &%$#*&%$#!!" she shrieked.

To which the girl promptly turned her attention back to Yuffie, ensuing a hair-pulling contest.

"Don't worry, I'LL take care of the fish…! No, don't get up!" I cried sarcastically.

This was great. I didn't have any of my equipment. Luckily, para-magic ALWAYS works. And hey, I fight with my fists, right?

The monster, tactfully avoiding the tussling females, lowered it's head to me, with a low, guttural snarl. I pulled a fist back, promptly bashing my knuckles into it's scaled nose. It hissed, drew back, almost as if surprised. 

I shook my hand, wincing. "Ow…! Son of a-" It lashed out at me with long claws, barely giving me time to jump back before being lacerated. I swore under my breath, quickly calling forth my store of para-magic.

I held forth my hand, face twisted with exasperation as I felt familiar energies trickle into my curled fingertips, centering to a point before my palm.

"Ultima!" I cried, smashing my fingers to crush the small sphere of green light that had accumulated in that void. Instantly the dazzling, pale light seeped through the cracks formed by my fingers, blinding my vision for a brief moment. The world went black, and it seemed for a brief, hazed moment as if the dragon and I were suspended in a field of stars. Except that the stars were brilliant green points of light, all converging on the pale blue scaled form…

I blinked the magic-induced haze away from the edges of my vision, and glanced around at the blasted portion of the beach. Maybe I had gone a bit overboard…Nah.

I saw the two girls, sitting a few feet apart on the sand, breathing heavily, as if catching their breath. Which, now that I thought about it, they probably were. I bowed an apology to the other girl and then turned to Yuffie.

"Okay," I began, "What was THAT about? You two were so loud, you woke up a friggin' dragon!

Yuffie scowled, "She insulted my perfect swim suit!"

"And so you decide to BLOW HER UP?!" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah." Yuffie replied nonchalantly.

I grinned, "It is kinda funny…" then I caught myself, "but look what happened to the beach! And more importantly, I lost my chance at getting a girlfriend because of you!"

Yuffie sneered, "Girlfriend…?" she questioned threateningly, "You don't have time for a girlfriend! I'm taking you with me to Wutai whether you like it or not!" she narrowed her eyes, "You're my chance to save my hometown… and I'm NOT gonna let you screw it up!"

"Hey, wait! Don't *I* have any say in this?" I asked.

"NO!" Yuffie shouted, "You owe me!"

"But I –"

"Not happening!"

"But –"

"NO 'buts'!" she shouted with finality.

"Aw man…" I whimpered… not even in THIS place could I get a girlfriend…

A/N: Yup, here's where I had fun… lot's of character interaction, more twisted plans, some beach bunnies (both real and plastic!), and the first fight scene since chapter three… ::sweatdrop:: The satire here: video game characters actually USE ideas like these… maybe not so much in Final Fantasy… but other series, video game logic follows: the more messed-up the plan, the more effective it will work! Plus, I just really wanted to put someone in a bunny-suit! Also, Yuffie's a control freak, I wanted to portray that, as well. And Zell actually acts like a normal guy, thus showing more of my 'anime-like' story tendencies. Zell KNOWS he's been thrown back in the past, but still wants to look for a girlfriend… Isn't THAT well-adjusted? It's just something anime characters do ALL the time. 


	13. Dinner and another Bunny part two!

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

So, in addition to my hunger, I now needed to drown my sorrows at the local bar… Sure… I'm only seventeen… but Yuffie tells me there's no law about drinking age here… Not a bad deal, I'd been wondering what alcohol was like for a while… Seifer and Irvine always mentioned it… but I'd never had the chance to try. So I'd decided that I was gonna for it!

Yuffie stared at me darkly. "You're drunk." The words were stark and serious, nothing to be laughing at.

I guffawed, grinning from ear to ear. "You're so funny Yuffie!!!!!"

She blinked and sighed, shaking her head grimly.

"Still grinning, I poked her shoulder. "C'mon, have some! S'not bad!! Here!" I shoved my half empty glass into her hand.

She heaved a sigh of resignation, and downed the glass. I laughed again and clapped her on the back. "There ya go!" I could FEEL the red glow all over my face. And I laughed at that too.

Somebody shouted from across the bar, "9-o-clock Karaoke!"

I grinned lopsidedly, and proplelled her from her barstool. "Hey! You c'n sing! Go on!"

"Okay!" She giggled madly, pushing me back, almost tossin' me off my stool. 

I scrabbled for the bar top, laughing with her, and reeched for another alcoholyic bevrage as Yuffie began a purtyful version of some song I'd never heard 'fore. 

"'Cause we're a LIIIIIIV-ing in a materia world! And I am a MATERIA GIRL!" she chorused along w' the music.

When she flopped back down beeside me, her face all red, I was laughing again, and I shoved a shotglass at her. "I betcha I cin swallow more than you!" I challenged.

She snagged the glass from me with giggle, and downed it all in one go. I laughed. "Pritty good!"

She grinned back at me, and giggled some more. "Your turn, God-summoner!"

I nodded, picking up another glas, swallowin' it in two gulps, puttin' it back on the space I thought had bin the bar top. There was the sound of glass shatterin', and I laughed again. Yuffie giggled along with me. 

"Yer jes jealous that I c'n summon the gods, an' you can't!" I chuckled.

My pal nodded, and was all like, "Yer jes full a yerself!"

"Hmmmph!" I hmphed, "I'll show you!" I concentrated on Levia-what-his-name, and I yelled, "SUMMON!"

Yuffie burst out in a fit a' giggles.

A magic-like lil' hole opened up in the bar table, an' out popped a green bunny! He was soooo cuuute! The lil' green bunny had a purty gem on its head, and I think he was Carbunny or sum'thin…

Yuffie squealed, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!~!! He's soooo CUUUUUTEE!!!"

I guffawed, "He's a funny green bunny!"

The lil' creature looked at us all funny, and wiggled its long ears. "roo?" it asked.

Yuffie looked at me, "Heehee, it said 'roo'!"

I laughed, slapping my knee, "You're so funny, Yuff Puff…"

Yuffie snickered, "Yuff puff yuff puff!"

The lil' bunny hopped up onto Yuffie's shoulder, as if it didn't like bein' ignored, "rrrrooo!"

I poked at its nose, or where I thought its nose was, "Hey… let's call 'im 'Bob'!" I said brillyently!

Yuffie burst out laughin', "Ha ha! That's great! Hey, Bob!" she waved at the lil' green critter.

It snorted at me an' bit my finger, "rrrrrrr….!"

~Affection points decreased~ some odd part of my mind echoed.

"Yee – OUCH!!" I cried, "my widdle finger!" I began to cry.

Yuffie laughed, falling off of her stool and kept on laughin' after she landed on her rear.

"It's not FUNNY!" I cried, tears pouring out in large quantities. I could still hear people singin' on the karaoke machine.

Bob snickered.

"Shut up BOB!" I screamed. Then, short of breath, I began t' feel a lil' woooozzyy….

A/N: Oh boy… and I thought ch12 was insane? This one is pure fluff, just having fun, and trying to advance the plot a bit. You'll see how it advances the plot next chapter, in case that statement confused you. Carbuncle is my absolute FAVORITE summon: he's just too cute. So I had to bring him in. In my game, I named him Bob, so I just thought I'd throw that in there since they were drunk. Don't worry, I won't call him that anymore… The affection points actually exist in FF8, BTW, in case you haven't played it, so I thought I'd throw that in there… it's the only real point of satire in this chapter. I think affection points with the summons are stupid. Between characters, it makes sense, but not with the summons, okay? Oh yeah, after a while, I started using bad grammar and spelling, but trust me, it was on purpose to show that 'Yes, Zell is stoned.' All good video games should have a 'Yes, I'm stoned' scene. It's just funny. Not that I'm endorsing alcohol or anything, it just makes for really funny stories. I promise some plot in the next chapter or two! Okay? For now, just enjoy the character interaction, when the plot starts, it'll serious change how the interaction is integrated into the story. Enough rambling, I'm out.


	14. We're not in Kansas Anymore, Bob...

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"Uhh….Bob….get OFF…." I slurred, brushing the heavy, furry green thing off of me.

Sleep, however, didn't welcome me back. So I lay there, on my back, staring groggily up at the canvas roof of our tent. Wait. Tent?

With a groan, I lurched up to a semi-sitting position. "Yuffie…" I moaned to nothing in particular. "Where ARE we….?" Nothing responded, so I flopped back down.

Bob – er, Carbuncle, tugged insistently at my ear. "Okay, okay, I'm getting up." I twitched to prove my point. 

"Roo?" It pawed at me. 

Sighing, I struggled up again. I noticed I was still in my bathing suit. "Where are we?" I asked the fuzzy green thing.

It blinked up at me. "Roo." 

I nodded in mock-solemnity. "Oh, I see. Maybe we camped out on the beach or something….Knowing Yuffie, she wouldn't pay for an inn." I looked over at Yuffie, who sprawled – still asleep, I noted enviously – on the other side of the small tent.

She rested her head on what appeared to be a large pile of glowing marbles.

Has she *always* had that much materia…? I thought. I moved to wake her up, then stopped myself.

"I wonder what it's like, casting real magic," I started, casting a glance to Carbuncle, who nodded sagely.

I reached delicately to the small pile, delicately removing one of the many green little marbles. I held it close to my eye for inspection, peering closely into the swirling jade depths. The symbol for fire glinted as I turned and twisted the small sphere towards the light.

"Fire…?" I spoke, hesitantly. Instantly a warm, fluid rush poured down my fingertips, the sensation engulfing my arm and bleeding into my torso. A glow as hesitant as my word followed the feeling, brightest where my fingers caressed the marble. A sort of giddiness followed before I could so much as breathe, and then evaporated as I felt the warm wave withdraw, quicker than it had come, taking with it, I knew, a small portion of my own energy. It danced in my veins as it fled, concentrated in my hand, and leapt from me.

A small, sure little flame clung to the top of the tent. "I cast _REAL_ magic!!" I exclaimed.

"What're you DOING, you idiot!?" Yuffie cried, snapping upright. "And gimme back my materia, you thief!!!"

"But I cast REAL magic!" I insisted. "It was real! I could FEEL it!"

She rolled her eyes and snarled. "Great, Blondie, now GIVE me MY materia!!" Without waiting for my response, she snatched the wondrous little marble from my hand.

I frowned. "Sheesh…" Carbuncle made a little sound, pawing desperately at my leg. "Not now," I started, looking back to Yuffie, who glared at me in turn.

"All right, okay, I won't touch it again. So, what're all the colors for…?"

She ground her teeth grudgingly. "The green ones cast active spells, they're pretty showy; things like fire and lightning. But also, they cast curing and healing spells, and various effects like speeding up a person or turning someone into a frog… like I'm tempted to do to you!"

I waved my hands in protest, "Hey, hey… I can't summon the gods for you if I'm a frog…" I pleaded, then asked hurriedly, "What about the other colors, how does this stuff work? Who invented it?"

Yuffie rolled her eyes, "No one invented it… well, the Shinra maybe, but they were just copying what the planet does on its own. When the planet's energy is condensed, it takes different forms, all called materia. The red ones allow you to summon powerful magic creatures, like Leviathan… though I haven't heard of a Leviathan summon materia being used in so long I don't know if they still exist."

I looked down at her pile, "And the yellow ones?"

"They, along with the purple ones, increase a person's physical abilities," she began, sounding much like a bored instructor. "A yellow one specifically can increase a person's skill in something. For example, I use a 'Steal' materia to magically increase my speed and stealth so I can steal better. It's not that I can't do it alone, but the materia helps." She paused, as if daring me to say something, but I thought better of it, "With the purple ones, I can do a number of things like breathe underwater, lure chocobos, increase my strength or even luck. It's all about the materia. That's why you're not getting any of it! I've got to be practical, God-summoner."

Carbuncle tugged on my finger, "Roo….." it pleaded.

I waved him off, "And the blue ones?"

Yuffie grinned, "They act like materia batteries, they can power-up materia I already have, like making fire more effective or farther-reaching. The only problem with this stuff is that if you use too much without resting, you'll be worn out…"

I nodded, remembering how the small fire spell had sucked some of my energy, "I guess that's why it's so much more powerful than para-magic…"

Yuffie shrugged, "maybe…"

Carbuncle bit my hand. "OUCH!" I yelped, nursing the wound. "What was THAT for!?"

It scowled furiously at me, nodding it's fuzzy head above us. Then I realized that it had gotten kind of warm…

"The fire!!" I yelped, backpedaling.

"Good going!!" Yuffie snapped. "Grab what you can and toss it out!"

I nodded dumbly and snatched for something as Carbuncle wisely escaped through the tent-flap.

It was short work, to save our precious few belongings and then hop out ourselves. After but a few moments, we huddled and watched the roof of our tent sag with the spreading flames.

I looked appealingly to Yuffie, "Any water spells…?" 

She shook her head grimly. "Nope. You…?"

I mentally scanned my stock of spells, I was still a little tired, but I forced myself to concentrate, a vision of blue filled my sight, "WATER!" I shouted, feeling the moisture coalesce in the air into a large bubble of para-magic energy. I forced the bubble forward and it exploded into a splash that drenched the smoldering tent.

The sagging tent wasn't completely collapsed, so Yuffie began to shuffle through it for anything else that might be salvaged. I sat down on the ground nearby and sighed, "It's not fair, I want to use real magic again…" I complained.

"Don't whine," Yuffie called at me, "At least I'm letting you use that "Heal" materia you have on your swim suit…"

"Heal materia?" Carbuncle was sitting in my lap, and as I moved him aside, I saw that, indeed, there was a green marble haphazardly attached to my suit's waist band, pressing against my skin.

Yuffie intoned, "Yeah, how else do you think you're not hung over?"

I tugged on the marble and it pulled away from my skin and dropped to the ground. As it did, I felt a wave of nausea roll over my body, and my stomach tied itself in knots, I leaned forward and…

"Eww… That's disgusting…" Yuffie frowned, pulling out the last of salvageable potions and equipment from the tent's remains. "I told you that it was keeping you from being sick…" she added as I heaved on the grass.

I groped for the lost materia on the ground and finally my fingers touched it, a bit of its energy rushed into my body and soothed my stomach slightly, "Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much…" I peered into the green marble and saw that the spell was called "Esuna." I murmured it and I felt the pain and nausea begin to subside.

Yuffie rolled her eyes, "I could have told you that… you told me you'd never had any alcohol before… what a wuss…"

"How old are you anyway?" I asked blatantly, still hunched over, but regaining my wits.

"I'm sixteen, almost seventeen, why?"

I blushed, "Ah geez, you're younger'n me and STILL you've had more experience with that sorta thing…"

Yuffie crossed her arms, looking around at our surroundings, "Well, I AM mature for my age," she stated proudly, though with some distraction. 

I followed her gaze, the three of us were in a stretch of grassland. It sprawled for several miles with nary a tree to break it up. In the distance to the south was a mountain range, and to the other directions, one could tell there was water, ocean most likely. To the north, however, I could spy a town or city, and there was a tower and what looked to be a small mountainscape with faces and bodies etched into its surface.

Yuffie mumbled, "The Da Chao… but how did we…?"

Carbuncle 'roo'ed at her.

I looked up at her, "So, Yuffie… where are we?"

Yuffie returned my gaze, with a slight look of confusion, "Well, I'm not quite sure how… but we're right next to Wutai…"

A/N: Well, HERE YA GO, my explanation of materia: the all-around magic marbles! Just like I promised. Another one of my promises I fulfilled: Plot progression! See? They're at Wutai! Yeah, it was kind of a jump, but it's for humorous effect! They got drunk and SOMEHOW ended up in Wutai… and knowing them, I'll just leave it up to your imagination to figure out HOW they got from Costa del Sol to Wutai… Carbuncle will be explained soon, so watch for it! I'm glad that people are actually reading the story, I've got 4 whole reviews!! God, how lousy is that…? I got more reviews when I used to run a fanfiction page… I feel so out-of-the-loop nowadays… review please? At least TELL me if you found the story boring…


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